Last night was the [un]prompted pre-party. I guess I didn’t need to go, and I always complain whenever I go to things like this but my friend was going and I felt like I should go because I got a scholarship to this so I wanted to be respectful about it, even though no one would even know I was there.

This convention is a lot more practitioner heavy, which I actually love. In another life I would have been a software engineer, but my powers are a combination of engineering and QA mindsets applied to non-traditional engineering things like the psychology of cognitive load and how it impacts decision making with a heavy dose of “ugh I have to go outside and people.”

Whenever I go to these things I end up complaining about “I THOUGHT WE WERE ENGINEERS DOES ANYONE EVEN LIKE THIS HERE” and the person next to me was like “Yeahhh, I have to remind myself to take myself on walks too otherwise I can go an entire weekend not speaking to anyone.” Yo I feel that, if I didn’t have a kid, I’d be hiding in a snuggly blanket burrito all weekend without talking to anyone too.

Today the first CISO I ever spoke to was here. He was doing a talk about founder basics months ago on building in cybersecurity so I went. Since my concentration is GTM heavy and no one was asking anything I ended up taking over Q and A and then spoke to him more afterwards. It was cool, I was telling him I have no idea how I would be able to afford to take anyone to dinner and he said nah and did some quick math for me. Doable!

Anyway today I saw him standing by the coffee and I stood there for so long trying to get up the courage to talk to him and then I slowly watched him walk away while I cried inside. I still have two days to thank him for answering a trillion billion questions that day so hopefully I’ll get my chance. Honestly I have no idea how I manage to function at any of these things which is crazy because my research is predicated on having conversations with strangers. Fighting with myself over my introversion, it’s a never ending battle.

Turns out 3 of my friends also got scholarships so we met the lady who was in charge of the scholarships and my friend told her about how I almost didn’t apply because I didn’t think my research would be relevant. She said that they tried to get a variety of people which I think is awesome. Diversity is important!

There was an afterparty that my friend and I went to. It was up this crazy hill at this fancy penthouse. When we got there I was still on the waitlist and he wasn’t and they were already at capacity. This guy was like, “It’s OK we can go to the other one” like what, are you crazy? This is important so I told him and went to the other party. I was contemplating going home but I had research and I have slight FOMO when it comes to these things even though it also doubles as a battle against anxiety.

When I got to the other party the bouncer told me to have a good time but my battery was low so I was like this feels like work though. It was actually pretty chill and there were just enough snacks left to keep me busy and not dying. I saw someone ate the smoked salmon off like 10 crostinis though and then just left a plate of bread lying around somewhere and I thought, that’s such a weird thing to do but also like, you ate 10+ pieces of just smoked salmon?

I met these two other introverts who were about to leave and I took that as a sign that my 30 min of social time was up. The bouncer gave me a high five on the way out. As we were rolling out this couple came up dressed like bunnies and wanted to come in. They said they met there 10 years ago but since it was a cybersecurity event they couldn’t get in and I was lowkey bummed out about it, like how cute for their 10 year anniversary they went to the place they first met. CUTE!

As I was walking to Bart with my new friends one of them said they almost didn’t go but they were glad they went. Me too!

Notes I took during talks: Lots
Times I wondered wtf I was doing: Lots
Times I blurted out how I was managing all this poorly because of my introversion: Lots
Times people responded with “FR same”: Lots
Smoked salmon crostinis consumed: 3
FOMO avoided: 1