I hate going outside.
I know I say it all the time, but it’s not going to stop if I have to keep going outside.

And by outside I don’t really mean outside, I just fucking hate networking and events. So this time I was working, but still.

It’s weird, I don’t think people would get it, because I actually love talking to people, but I hate groups of people. I met someone lovely for lunch yesterday, and then earlier this week I met someone else for coffee and then lunch. Like one on one I can manage, even at networking events when I’m talking to someone or a couple people it’s fine but in a big group you might get stuck with some guy who keeps talking to you alone and then he keeps surprise hugging you like he’s going to leave and then he never does and then you’re like wait a second… (YES I KNOW BUT COME TF ON AT A FUCKING [REDACTED] COME ON) and then as you try to deter him find out that he has TWO KIDS AND A WIFE and he still has the AUDACITY to REPEATEDLY ask you out and then keeps talking which is good because you might have to answer and if you do you have to balance the societal expectations of eating this bullshit that you grew up with and being “nice” and not causing a scene and how if I can’t get out of this elegantly then I will have to do it inelegantly and the consequences of that and then while you’re standing there processing the what-the-fuck-i-forgot-people-were-like-this-in-real-life when all of a sudden I just said, “Oh I have to talk to someone” and I dipped.

When we talk about some of the things female founders have to go through it’s funding or having to have all these backup plans and risk reduction questions from VCs but NO ONE EVER TALKS ABOUT THIS. Like fr, I fucking hate it. Most people are chill and awesome actually, but honestly this is the second WEEK in a ROW I ran into some bs like this. I was telling my friend I got off dating apps years ago bc that shit was wack but at WORK? COME ON.

Here’s the thing, when you talking to a new person, it’s not like they come with directions that say

“Hey this person likely doesn’t give two shits what you think about his AI for assholery bullshit and he’s either incapable or unwilling to take a hint about your boundaries so skip right to getting the fuck out of there before you have to fight your way out of there.

P.S. ‘Everyone’ is not an ICP.”

Because here’s what happens:

I realize this guy doesn’t really care what I think
Now I have to get out of this elegantly
I try something
Doesn’t work
New information
Also more pressure
Need instant new decision
Base it off new information
Doesn’t work
Escalates even further
More pressure from the two prior failures before it

On top of that you’re simultaneously carrying two cinderblocks labelled “DON’T CAUSE A SCENE” and “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SOMETHING” because honestly this is what it is like to grow up female. I can’t speak for everyone but this was my reality anyway.

I chose option C, which turned out to be smallest cinderblock but it still costs you something. It takes a lot of energy and cognition to fight that conditioning to appease this people pleasing bullshit instead of telling this guy he’s being inappropriate AF, so instead of standing up for yourself you eat some of this inappropriate bullshit for “safety” and then dip when you can. That turned out to be fake because he surprised me on his way out. I don’t know about you but when someone’s going in to hug me it’s pretty automatic and it’s so fast anyway there’s barely time to think. These situations are shitty a lot too because it’s one of those things where he’s definitely a line stepper but one of those things where he could probably get away with it without raising too many eyebrows. Sometimes it becomes a matter of just doing it to get it over with so that you can get the fuck out of there because if you say something you run the risk of causing a scene and now you’re in another bs situation which means more time with this clown and then the pit in your stomach won’t go away and then you wonder if it would make a difference anyway bc it’s not like this guy gives a shit.

That’s why they give kids options like high fives and fist bumps so you don’t end up like this.

But here’s the thing.

You make the best decision based on the information you have at the time.

Now I know:

• If you are not leaving the premises immediately you are still at risk
• Saying something balances out the asymmetry because instead of you just feeling shitty they get to feel the effects of their actions too
• You will have to fight the conditioning when you are expected to hug someone. This will take time.
• You say things to stand up for yourself, not whether or not it will make a difference (when safe)
• Being around people made you feel safe but it might have also made him feel safe enough to do this in front of people if he thinks you won’t cause a scene and he must have thought that if he did it

So that’s why I don’t like going to events or things with a lot of people, because I run the risk of having to deal with this, especially when I’m alone. Some of these situations have turned actually dangerous so when I’m calculating all that shit in the moment, yeah, that’s real.

Anyway this is a long roundabout way to say Happy Women’s Month. Um, yeah lol.

I actually got to do something really cool for someone today, but that’s a story for another time.

How many people hugged me inappropriately: 2
How many people kissed me 🤮: 1
How many people hugged me appropriately: luckily everyone else
How many times I wished I was home: a lot
How many times I was glad I went: a lot